Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Potential Band Names or Album/Song Titles Inspired by Two of Today's News Items

Meat Harvest
(270,000 Deer killed in Minnesota Last Year)

Suspicious Lesions
(All Minnesota High School Wrasslin' shut down for 8 days due to delightful outbreak of Herpes Gladiatorum)

Off to write some lyrics.


Come to think of it...Wrasslin' is a lot LIKE a controlled and refereed Meat Harvest. P'raps the two phrases can find a home in a suitable ditty to be composed forthwith?

We shall see.


Sunday, January 28, 2007

Comic Panel for the Day

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Wrasslin' Move Gone Awry

*Big John Stud-esque Heart Punch that converts into an overly long Awkward Hug, Dinner, a Night Cap, a Viscous Roll in an industrial-sized laundry basket, and one really confused owner of formerly 'unstarched' pants files complaint against laundrymat*

For the title


Monday, January 22, 2007

One Vowel Off...and grateful for it

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Art meets Modern Parenting

"What I need is a painting or fully rendered drawing of a Big Foot...or Sasquatch if you prefer...shitting out a half a dozen whole undigested Monchichis. It's for my eight year old son's bedroom. You can make them look greased up if you represent their passage through the bipedal beast's GI system."

"Uhm...I'm pretty sure I GET the first part--the Sasquatch--but...uhm...Monchichis? Aren't those something like little Monkey-esque toys?"

"Yes, that's right. 'Quatch dropping a load of those critters straight out of his/her bristley exit. Could you make sure the 'Chichis are grinning...OH...AND wearing beanies and short pants?"

"Why in the world would your son want this image is his room?"

"Heh. It's a surprise for his birthday. I want him to someday grow up to be the next Dian Fossey...y'know...the Gorilla Lady? Her. I've got big plans for him and his future skills living with Apes and other Ape-like beings. This portraiture is a stepping stone...a bridge to his hirsute future."

"Wouldn't a book or a video of her work be more...I don't know...appropos?"

"You trying to tell me how to raise my children?"



Tuesday, January 16, 2007 this an isult or a come-on?

The splooched Galoshes of your middle-aged discontent stride the grease-slicked back alleyways in the cavernous mind of a befuddled Ether-addled Hotdog Vendor known only to a few as Needletooth Ted, Nibbler of Unkosher Sausagelettes.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Favorite Song of 2006

The Secret Machines: Faded Lines

Album Version

Live Version

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Baby's First Lesson in American Sign Language

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Excerpt from the aborted musical THE HMS HAMSAMMICH

"Hollowed out gourds be Damned, Baron Flutesniff! I've now a taste for the sprinkled remains of last year's shortpants and a raging stiffy that must find a place to alit!!! To the prow! To the prow! To the prow! Bypass the Dutch Uncle and name my Stench whence the Nostrils of First Mate Krundlesnack find clear passage 'round the Blockage of Dessicated Sinal Fluidity! I raise the Hems of mine Pantaloons to flaunt my anklage to the Morn with a sniggling regard to this floating behemoth's on-board clockwork vicar."

Monday, January 08, 2007

Sad but Untrue...

Left arm flailing and launching his binoculars, right arm reaching sternum-ward, and the taint seam of his Strolling Trousers going taut with the vaporous outpouring of Toot Gas, Otis Smegballer, founder of Horst County's first Audobon Society and self-proclaimed discoverer of the Taupe-Winged Barkplooker, fell earthward...very much like Myth's Icarus but with far less melty wing action and more due to an unfortunate encounter with buckshot from the muzzle of Jasper Clapyerlaps, a hunter one copse over with apparently very poor eyesight OR an agenda against Bird Watchers.

The crowd of onlookers stepped back from the impromptu breakdancing showdown when Cody "the Flesh Prince of Smells Air" Lester, after a mildly undazzling headspin attempt, begin stammering incoherently in a manner most un-Rappish. It was later determined that he was not flaunting his Flo' Skillz but channeling the former occupant of the box his cardboard mat had been acquired from; namely the late Hobo King, Iago "Talks with Fridges" Loggerjamonwheat.

And how was your day?


Friday, January 05, 2007

As not seen/read in WATERSHIP DOWN

S'pose yer one of them Blue Blooded Up-Turned Nosed Upper Crust Elitest Mamby Pamby Nancy Boys that won't lower himself to wiping his damn fudge gulley with terlit paper like the rest of us poor schlubs and, INSTEAD, insists on only using Live Rabbits to keep his filthy bungslice feces free! Putcher damn wallet away and step away from my warren of not-sentient assrags or there'll be trouble with a capital My Shitkicker.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Motivate a la Taint

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A Selection of Conversation from Work Yesterday

Cow-Orker: Is that Tony? I heard someone clearing their throat.

Me: Yeah, I'm slowly unclogging in your workspace; translate that anyway you want.

Cow-Orker: ...



Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Suggest Sound Effects for the Following: Part One

A CPA utilizing your W-2s as a rag/squeegee combination for the errant (and spectacularly viscous) Chef Boy-R-Dee Ravioli (with manaully added sliced weiners) explosion on the front of his pleated slacks.

Widow Frulckmeier's Mail Slot being 'violated' (her words) with an unsolicited (and 'un-lubed'...again, per the Spinster) mailing tube containing a Jefferson Airplane black light poster CLEARLY labeled for her neighbor, young scenester and faux-Hippy-up-and-comer Timothy Frullman, age 17.

The various fluids of a Peeping Tom soaking his/her collar, socks, pants, and favored shrubbery of concealment.

Monday, January 01, 2007

The Best Nickname I've ever Seen in an Obit

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