Friday, February 29, 2008




literally translated means Slaughter Dish contains every imaginable part of the pig. You will find the tripe (intestines), kidneys, knuckles, etc. Even the blood is not wasted, being turned into Blutwurst (blood sausage). The best Schlachtplatte is served up at the farm immediately after a pig has been slaughtered.

Schlachtplatte can also be used to describe the physiology AND music career of one Joe Cocker.


Thursday, February 28, 2008

Italian Spiderman (no hyphen, eh?)

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I Went to School with a Kid Named _____: Part Six

I went to school with a kid named Quizno Poohsuit. A run in with the local part-time Trampoline Tautener made headlines which alerted the Milne Estate to said lad's existence. Now on the run from the Brood of A.A., Quizno Poohsuit only has his wits, an anointed dowel and the haunted lunch pail of George Washington Carver to keep him one step ahead of certain Doomage.

I went to school with a kid named Juicy Beans. At first we all just called him Jui...which morphed into Au Jus...then Ol' Jew...then Jewsy...then back to the homophone Jewsy Being...then to Homosexual Alexander Graham Bell. He now deeply fears dial tones.

Friday, February 22, 2008

My Favorite Bit from BOOSTER GOLD #0


Friday, February 15, 2008

I Went to School with a Kid Named _______: Part Five

I went to school with a kid named Compodworm Rackenfartmer. The small contingent of Nepalese Exchange students at our school were convinced he was the reborn Sherpa Lord Spiglet Tensiontorquemother and were often witnessed leaving Offerings (rocks passed through their own GIs) at his Altar (his discarded Kangaroo Sneakers).

I went to school with a kid named Satellite Ogglebox. He was from the former Czech Republic and had a burning hatred for the co-mingling of Pretzels and Peanuts; hence the nickname that he was hung with...Chex Mix...which he misheard as CZECH MICKS which stoked the flames of his other great dislike...the Irish.

I went to school with a kid named Heated Gelpack. He collected Snowglobes but replaced the fluid inside with a lil' something he called Grumph...which turned out to be the wringed moisture from his Sleepy-Bye-Bear Bedtime ensemble (complete with wristlets, chinstrap and Aviator Scarf(!)). Said bedware was considered Poor Man's Garanimals.


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

One (of many reasons) you should be reading ATOMIC ROBO


A message left on the surface of Mars from Atomic Robo (issue 4)



Monday, February 11, 2008

I Went to School with a Kid Named _________: Part Four

I went to school with a kid named Leaf Rearmed (pronounced Ree-Urmed). His father was a Poor Man's Dian Fossey and reeked of Ape-Digested twigs and his mother was a Panda Suit tailor with a taste for Thrillwaukian Scat Humor and writing fan-fiction 'back stories' for her massive collection of Precious Moments figurines.


The Face of Ham is my Best Friend (with apologies to Robyn Hitchcock)


Sunday, February 10, 2008

William Howard Taft: Girth of a Nation

Saturday, February 09, 2008

I Went to School with a Kid Named _________: Part Three

I went to school with a kid named Bloot Farshtunkeneh. His daily routine included steeping himself in rosewater and yodelling selections of the Torah backwards.

I went to school with a kid named Abstract Plookman. He was the kind of fellow that liked rubbing coin purses against his elbows (plasticine friction was his thing...especially on the joints of his appendages) and once 'took liberties' with three different paragraphs from a classmate's novella (first draft).

I went to school with a kid named Julie Meatwheels. She was the kind of child that liked to burp bubbles into other folk's Chicken Noodle Soup using a novelty shoehorn/sole sucker device pinched from her Uncle Gnawly's Shoeshine Stand.

I went to school with a kid named Pelvic Flooring. His dad was a Janitor. Thanks/No thanks to said employment the poor bastard had to use a discarded slopbucket as his lunch box AND a nut cup (non-cashews). When he got moist, ol' Pelvic Flooring smelled like a piss activated Urinal Cake.

I went to school with a kid named Orson Rancor. All was well in his life until Mork and Mindy debuted; from that point forward everyone always wanted to smell his omelet and give him couch swirlies.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

The Best Nickname I've Ever Seen in an Obit: Part Two

Early last year it was THE HUMAN ECHO

Today's find:

Friday, February 01, 2008

Someone has fun with P-Shop: Failed Toys Division