Sunday, September 30, 2007

Quote of the Day

You're attending an Oktoberfest Gathering at a local watering hole. Plenty of German Beers and Eats are available. There's live music from local bands. You're enjoying the proceedings. Two gentlemen cross your field of vision. One of them looks like the lead singer of Loverboy (but in full post-headband/red leather pants wearing Recovery Mode); the other, a green flannel shirt clad and feathered haired poor man's version of the Former Lead Singer of Creedence Clearwater Revival. An immediate Visceral Reaction kicks in. Without thinking you blurt out:

"I want to order a sausage next to John Fogerty."

And, though said exclamation could be potentially embarrassing, you are pleased to know that even your Unconscious Mind hates mother-plooking Loverboy (and their imitators).


Saturday, September 29, 2007

Mobile Deli Terrorism: Meat Mayhem (Mayham) from Years Ago

The ol' game of Hide the Sausage
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

In a friend's car
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


If push comes to shove

Leave Bologna stuck to a stranger's vehicle in parking lot of an area Perkin's
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Take Satisfaction in your Work
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Of course

There's always the Home Grown form of Meat Terrorism
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Catching a friend asleep with his hand down his pants.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Short Bits from all over the Floor of my Brain Pan

Yesterday I failed in the Lil' White Lie Department when I attempted to convince someone that the original meaning for EWER was:

One favoring/betrothed to (a) sheep

Which eventually morphed into meaning A Pitcher with a Wide Mouth.

It would seem that the leap from Ovine Fancier to this was just TOO far fetched...even in light of the fluid (heh) nature of our language.

Misread the following:

Shattered Belief System


Shattered Beef System

The latter of which led to some rather frightening mental images...some of which even involved Killing Room Floor machinary mishaps.

Inspiration from Hovering Faux Fruit

For whatever reason, the website

Geostationary Banana over Texas

Immediately made me consider reworking Samuel Coleridge's The Rime of the Ancient Mariner to my very own parody entitled The Rim of the Banana Mariner. It might still happen once I figure out a way to replace the albatross with a flying 'nanner.

For example:

And a good south wind sprung up behind ;
The Albatross did follow,

I could go with something poetic involving a heavy diet of bananas leading to extreme flatulence among the seafaring set and/or that a heavy banana diet spitting in the metaphoric eye of Orange-Eating Scurvy-phobes or, really, farting on its metaphoric head.


And every day, for food or play,
Came to the mariner's hollo !

SEEMS (to my ill-leaning grey matter) to lead naturally to the ol' Banana/Tailpipe Euphemism (as popularized in Eddie Murphy's BEVERLY HILLS COP.

We shall see.

In the meantime go ahead and enjoy the pics and such that can be found on the Geostationary Banana over Texas website while I ponder my potential leap into the Po' Tree world (as it were).


Monday, September 24, 2007

Screaming Blue Messiahs: Live version of SWEET WATER POOLS from 1987

Friday, September 21, 2007

Talking Smack at the Star Wars Exhibit: Coming Soon to the Twin Cities

Boy be speakin' the Jawa at me and shit. UTTINI my blinkin' and sputterin' backside Sarlacc Pit. Torqued me off something I was passin' a humanoid shaped scat burger clad in Maladorian Armor, see what I'm sayin'? Ain't like he's gotta mumble through no rags like them there Tusken-y Bantha Straddlers. The closest I've come to boardin' a Sandcrawler was a viscous claspin' 20 credits for 30 minutes plook a-hind the Mos Eisley Cantina with a modified Power-Droid...or Boff-bot, if ya will. S'pose he ain't aware that I'M the one that put the Double UG in UgnaUGhts, knowwhatumsayin'? So step away 'fore I sprinkle Salacious Crumb-cake grit in your Ewok Favorin' maw-slit.


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

From Jesus Zappa to Giger's Weiners in 3 Easy Steps

When I saw this image (which I'll call Frank-as-Christ)
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I immediately thought of
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
The album FRANKENCHRIST by the Dead Kennedys

Which THEN brought to mind the poster that was included with this recording; namely, Giger's PENIS LANDSCAPE.

Which I'll refrain from posting an image of...for the sake of the children.

However, feel free to Google Image Search for that if you find yourself a free moment or three and have a thing for...provacative artwork.


Friday, September 14, 2007


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Thursday, September 13, 2007

TIP Presents: Your Word of the Day


Macrophilia refers to sexual fantasy involving fictitious giants.


Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Goddamn Schmoo

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Slang: Potential Rejection from Urban Dictionary

A certain class of gentlemen have taken to referring to men's room urinals as DONG BIDETS as they are of the ilk that enjoy the cool cascading pleasure of their respective donks soaking under the flush water.

Delightful...I'm so not sure.


Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Questionable Iron Lung Humor

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket