Monday, April 30, 2007

An exchange from Today

Cow-Orker: You don't hear people complimenting mouths much anymore.

Me (after initial pause due to Oddballishness of Statement): I gave up the practice after my first viewing of DELIVERANCE.

Cow-Orker: ...


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

These are just Some of my Favorite Things

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Saturday, April 21, 2007

A Traipse Down Nostalgic HaHa Lane

One of my all time favorite artists is B. Kliban (RIP). I first encountered him way WAY back in the 2nd Grade during many of my visits to a friend's house (Jon Lewis of True Swamp and other delightful comic work). Jon was in possession of four of Kliban's collections and we'd spend hours paging through them, laughing at the absurdities therein, and other times scratching our respective heads trying to make heads (heh) or tails of whatever it was we were looking at (and not Getting It due to our relative youth...I mean, c'mon...we were only 7 or 8 at the time). These books, I suspect, were very influential on the shaping on How my Brain Works in those Early Years and Many Many Many of the Strips stuck with me. Several Years ago I was fortunate enough to find Three of these Books at a Used Book Store and unhesitatingly bought them up, lickity-split.

Went home and went through each was like a Walk down Ha-Ha Nostalgia Lane. Many strips were even better now that I had tacked 30 years of life to the long ago 7 or 8 year old Me that first came across Kliban's work.

However, one strip was missing. My absolute Favorite. The One that Stuck in the Forefront of my mind and I ALWAYS recalled first whenever the artist's name came up in conversation.

Where the Hell was it?

Oh's in the One collection (of the four) that I had not acquired.

So I had found used:

Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head and Other Drawings

Whack Your Porcupine


Tiny Footprints

but not

Two Guys Fooling Around With The Moon and Other Drawings.

Long Story Shorter:

I FINALLY found the latter volume.

And I'm pleased to share with you all my favorite B. Kliban drawing.
I still laugh at it like I'm that 7 or 8 year old from 30 odd years ago (and, naturally, it's cool if you don't find it as amusing as I do...strokes/folks):

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Someone's Father's Words of Wisdom

The old man was often heard saying (to those about to tie the knot):

"Have you ever read the blurbs on the box for a Play-doh Fun Factory? Marriage is exactly like that."

This usually left most (well...All) folk slightly perplexed; perhaps he meant some other children's toy? Maybe Tinker Toys or Legos? Nope. He'd insist that it was the Fun Factory. Let's take a look, shall we?

*Squeeze, shape, mold and extrude all kinds of crazy shapes with this classic set!

*2 shapemaking strips have 10 patterns for extruding long strips of PLAY-DOH compound!

*Includes two 5-oz. cans of modeling compound, extruder with 3 half molds, 2 shapemaking strips (10 designs) and trimmer knife.

Take from that what you will.


Monday, April 16, 2007

Recollection of Woo Pitched Past

I looked into her moistened peepers and said...I said...Honey Baby, your scent reminds me of an unsolicited grapplin' with a Pin Monkey ('round 75) at Dean's Bowl-n-Ale-y; a strange odiferous miasma of talcum, sweat soaked through a Just-in-Case Adult Diaper (simmered slowly over the Assback Ambient Heat of said Pin Monkey's Stygian Inverse Mount Etna), and the excess Kinetic Energy generated through two looped out Ne-er-do-Wells blindly wrasslin' with Buttons that would Not Concede the Fight.


Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Overheard at Work: Abnormal Fruit Division

" grapes are floating away."


Monday, April 09, 2007

Herc hitches a Ride from his dong?

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Friday, April 06, 2007

An Exchange Worth Saving
The Saint/TIP Banter

The Saint: Knees with the sweet sweet honey taste of butterscotch.

TIP: The man with Apiaries for knees...coming soon to a Pre-school parking lot near you.

Bring mosquito netting and a Psalms book (and a spanner). I will now spend the rest of the day pronouncing Mascot as Muh-Scoot.

The Saint: Those french and there I'm better then Muh-Scoot attitudes. Come see dong-o the anatomically correct muh-scoot dog.

TIP: Dong-O, new from Fisher-Price. It shits Little People (sold seperately).

The Saint: Fisher Price was actually invented by Edison but Jarre stole the idea to make a large miniature army (armed with Jarre toenail clippings) to fight off snails in the slow and low wars of 1817 right before the nexus collapse which later caused Burt Reynolds mustache to become alive and later star in it's own movie Todd Mustache: Zombie Sucker and even more later Todd Mustache: Zombie Sucker II Chainsaw splatter'in love.

See also the quote: "So long and thanks for all the brains" -Todd Mustache in Zombie Bears From That Space Ship Over Theres

TIP: Did you see the Buddy Movie Todd Mustache was in with Gil "Gelatinous Torrents" LugeSocket? I think it was called Unseemly Inseams and the Quest for the Pre-Riveted Denims (and Shrug Slacks Unleashed overseas)?

The Saint: Boy did I. I have fluids from both Todd and Gil on my rococo microwave cart and a couple signed scripts. I heard there's a special edition coming out with all the deleted Ann Wilson full frontal nude scenes with akward commentary by Nancy Wilson and friends. It's too bad that was Gil's last film before "the accident" which today I still think is a conspiracy developed by steve perry to get Nancy back. steve perry you FOOL! Nancy's heart belongs to Jeff Lynne always has always will be.

TIP: Cameron Crowe was once rumored to have 'polished the hammer' of Jeff Lynne during the Traveling Wilburys first recording session. This has nothing to do with Todd and Gil...although I'm sure both of them know their respective ways around a Salacious Toolbelt.

The Saint: Sadly we'll never get a dvd of the first live shows as Jeff Lynne's dong was always hanging out. Art my butt Lynne no one needs to see you Turn to Stone although a shiny Orbison is a thing of beauty.

TIP: Jeff Lynne once tried to have relations with George Harrison's sitar. Fortunately, this caused a Ripple in the Karmasphere and alarmed Ravi Shankar enough that he 'ported to its rescue. Ravi also made Lynne atone for his Urges by filling his testicles with Curry (non-Tim).

And lest we forget:

"Prop me up, Sir Flying Buttress, for I seem to have tickled the ivories in such a ferocious manner that my Lumbar Nerve has checked out of the Hotel Ass-Back and taken a Bullet Train to Paralysis City."

-Todd Mustache in Double Dutch HopScotch and the Hootch Banditos of Scat Gulch, New Mexico

The Saint: CLASSIC scene!

"Clench forth the butts of WAR!"

-Sir Flying Buttress in Double Dutch HopScotch and the Hootch Banditos of Scat Gulch, New Mexico

TIP: Also:

"Liberally apply the Denture epoxy 'pon me Welding Gloves for tis time to Work the Bellows of Mother Lather's Forge of Nutrients."

-Butter Chum the Churner of Viscous Faux-malade in the same film

The Saint: Butter Chum also shows up in Todd Mustache's film Todd Mustache in Aces High, Nipples Low as Pestsmith the Ignorant.

Here's a scene

"I'll see your mashed ball of rodents hair combed right AND your tacky collection of sweaty goblits filled with regions nether and raise you this"

*dramatic pause with new lighting*


"Tis no nipples"

"stoot as ever pestsmith the ignorant...for all her nipples reside on her right hand"

-Todd Mustache in Aces High, Nipples Low

TIP: The Novelization of Aces High, Nipples Low included some scenes that were cut from the final film.

One of which was the infamous Trowel Scene.

It involved a randy mason (Mortar Lap the Hunched) and his assignment to "wall off" Fair Maiden Ursa Gnu's gaping Trach.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The Completely Unexpected Reappearance of The Little Plastic Head of Lorne Greene

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...and things had gotten a wee bit tense down at the 'rosa...and I ain't be talkin' 'bout the Floozy Rosa that works Greased Palm Magick down at the Viper Snoot Salooninator...she and her Butter Chums are 'nother subject that ain't right to be Speakin' at the moment (Hoss and Little Joe are within earshot...'though I 'spects they can't be overhearing us at the moment...what with the Din of their Slap Tan Contest shaking the timbers on their so-called Low Hug Lodge...which really ain't much of a Lodge as it is a Lean-to with a disconcerting Stink 'bout that time my equine companion Flankcakes spent three weeks in a Torpedo Tube...unsaddled, sure...but a Horse without Soap is like a Battlestar ensign without pinched cheeks.


Now what was I saying?!?