Sunday, March 30, 2008

A Giant Terrapin's lil' Pal: A misunderstanding

Recently I came upon the following sign at one of my favorite Watering Holes:

I immediately thought that said Watering Hole had acquired a lil' version of the Japanese Monster Movie Creature GAMERA

Gameroom is to Gamera like Minalla/Minya is to Godzilla

It made perfect sense to me for at least a moment...then I realized what the sign was REALLY saying.

And I was saddened by this realization.


Friday, March 28, 2008

To Hell with a Porkpie...I need this lid!


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Heavy Metal Parking Lot (and one pal's thoughts post-viewing)

A documentary depicting the pre-concert Fantivities before a Judas Priest show (1986):

To which I received the following e-mail in response from one JME:

Yeah, that's pretty much what it looked like before the Lloyd Cole & the Commotions reunion in London.

That's right, kids...there is no difference between American fans of Judas Priest (mid-80s) and English fans of Lloyd Cole and the Commotions (mid-90s or thereabout when my friend saw them perform in London).

I love it.

(Some Rattlesnakes are gonna roll! Breaking the Easy Pieces!)

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Rock Rolling Day!

This album art discovery (via Google Image Search)

Leads me to this one

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Your Tableware Inspires!

I'd rather be a covert plate manipulator. Slightly tweaking the placement of dishware in a manner most fine tuning an old radio with a feather duster or, more likely, reroute my overwhelmingly powerful mental spoon-bending abilities to another section of your pantry. Imagine THEN thine mastication of tubers! Or Country Fried Steak! Or a Grouse stuffed with Doo Dads! Gustatory enjoyment explosions 'bout the surface of your overly moistened Stamp Licking Organ--like Fireworks going off inside the Hormel Plant--and all thanks to clandestine plate pleasuring (for they do enjoy the ways in which I shift their positions...they've said as much).

Friday, March 14, 2008

Screaming Blue Messiahs: Twin Cadillac Valentine

Monday, March 10, 2008

One-Upmanship and Pop Culture Braggadocio

"The earliest I ever referenced John Merrick was at a 10 AM board meeting. Arthur in accounting INSISTED it was a tam but I was of the mind that he was wearing a Pillowcase."

"Pfft. I catch the Eight AM bus to work and just this morning told the driver that the part in his hair was almost identical to that of the Fred Rogers AND that his choice in pomade was Most--not Moist--MOST Shemp-esque."

"Heh. Every other week at 7 AM sharp I've got an appointment with the Shoeshine Dude in our lobby. By 7:15 AM I've already told him that his shammy looks to be comprised of the same material as Johnny Weissmuller's loin cloth, that his Buffing reminds me of the ninja moves of Lee Van Cleef and that his saliva appears to have the same consistency of a blendered Gremlin. Shoeshine Dude calls me the Steve McQueen of Sitting to boot (pun intended)."

"My coffee shop is right on my bus line; so I'm there every morning 'round 6:45 AM. I've told the barista there that her whipped cream applications to my daily mocha are akin to the eye of the cyclops from KRULL, that her swaying chest is reminiscent to the migratory hunchback of Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein and that the aroma of their fan favorite dark roast FROZEN IN AN IGLOO SEAL PLOPS would make Nanook himself hock his parka for a cup."

"Closing time at the bar last night I noted that the olive floating in my fifth martini looked a lot like a decapitated Boba Fett. Thus inspired (and already Olived out), I hooped that bastard in the ass crack of a fellow patron; in essence, turning his upper Crena Analis into a Mobile Sarlacc Pit."

"Man...fuck you."



Saturday, March 01, 2008