TRICK OR TIP?

Several departments here at work were all decked out in Themed Costume Attire; one department was the cast of Gilligan's Island, another were the Spice Girls (including a male-as-Scary Spice...which Eddie Murphy would have approved of)and yet another as Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

I encountered a Blond cow-orker at the soda machine and the following conversation happened:


Me: Ah, you're dressed up as Baby Spice. Very nice.

Not-Baby-Spice(NBS): No. I'm Snow White.

Me: Shit. I'm sorry.

NBS: And what are you supposed to be?

Me (not wearing a costume at all): Apparently I'm Pop Culture Shame.

T

The Elements of STYle


An excerpt from a conversation last night between my sister-in-law and I:


SIL: Sam, my boyfriend, had his first birthday celebrated at E.B. White's house. They were friends of his family.

Me: Is it true that E.B. used to force feed first editions of The Elements of Style to piglets and then serve said pulp engorged swine to guests?

SIL: ...

The Widow Ham Stacker (chimes in): Wait, the White of Strunk and White is the same White that wrote Charlotte's Web?

Me: ...

T

Your Not Very Covert Rock Star Moment

Joe Cocker



















Diguise Failure

What Screams 38th Birthday More than PLOOK'd M&M's?

From Today's NEW YORK TIMES

Real or Imagined After Work Lamentation


You get home after a long day of pulling that lever and greasing the press and bending to the gusts of bloviating exhaust from yer damn cow-orkers and all ya really wanna do is unspool outta yer pants, you know? So, there I am, empty house--the kinda silence you'd never hear in the changing room of a Fat and Wide Store--an empty house all to my soon-to-be-Easy-Pants-self (these Pants of Ease were NOT purchased at the aforementioned Oinklet Emporium). There ain't a lick of nothin' smeared on the front stoop when I pull in...oh...did I tell you the mailman's got a Molten Food Items Agenda on me? I'm not 100% sure where this Velveeta and such Vendetta originates from (I swear I've never slurred the man's Crockpot...why would a man do that to another fellow...well...maybe to that Smalley dude...he once unloaded the contents of his bowels in one that was still plugged in...he called it Art)...but it could--it COULD have something to do with my off-the-cuff comment to him at the Mall (when I ran into him) that his ankles looked A LOT like a couple of sheared elephantitis suffering baby Pomeranians shoved into mud drenched flip flops. How was I to know it was a Family Tradition...or mutation...or something? How's he doing all that walking 'round on pegs like that? You'd think the stress on 'em would snap 'em like putting saltines under a quadriplegic Romanian (wait...is that a malaprop?). Either way...or any which way...I've been coming home to all sorts of heated and fluidified foodstuffs painted all over my steps...but not this one day. That's gotta mean something. A good omen? Or the calm before the Mailman's next Fondue Storm?

T

Doodle circa 1996

The Team-Up You Weren't Even Aware That You Were Waiting For!

Joe Cocker!



Sammy Hagar!



HAM SAMMY: THE ALBUM

In Stores MArcH 2008!!!
Cuz there's always Ham in March...only this time it's got a soundtrack!!!

Includes tracks:

The Sambassador Versus The Hambassdor: Sign the Bacon Pact

Plenipotentiary (What's that Mean?)

Sizzle Pop Skiddly Boop (Grunt Release Afternoon)

The Stygian Corn Nibletty Rimmed Hole (Quit Starin' at me Mouth)

So What I'm Not Edible?

Agave Infused Oinklings Never Say Sty

T

Motivate: Part 3

A TIP Thought for the Day

The abacus represents mankind's hidden desire to slap beads in a math setting.

T

Sometimes a Paddleboat SHOULD see your Backside

Bar(ter)

A bunch of Comic Book Fans (myself included) had the great pleasure of meeting/hanging out with POWERS artist (among many other artistic and written works) Michael Avon Oeming last Friday (the evening before the start of the Twin Cities Fall Con held at the Minnesota State Fair). For the price of a beer (Stella) he'd draw you a sketch of your choosing.

Great deal.

I asked for (and was pleased to receive) a sketch of Cerebus the Aardvark



Which, I s'pose we could refer to as

CEREPRICK

or

MIKE OEMING DOES CEREBUS DOING HIMSELF

Take your p(r)ick.

T
(bonus points for the Flash tank top Cerebus is sporting)

You will call me Sergei Moistdropov...and I will baste you!
with apologies to Ivan Drago

Meet Sven Sundgaard












He's been doing the weather on our local NBC affiliate while the main meteorologist is on maternity leave.

Last Friday he slipped the phrase

"Moist Surge"

Into his forecast.

This immediately brought to mind a phrase I popularized back in the day to describe what it would be like engage in Plook with one of my friends; namely "viscous shudder'

ANYHOO

Moist Surge.

At some point (a minute or two) after hearing this most/moist delightful phrase, MOIST SURGE became SURGE MOIST (possible Porn Identity...not to be mistaken for some Ludlum book/movie) which then became SERGEI MOIST (my Russian alias) and finally, adding a lil' somethingsomething to the end, Sergei Moistdropov.

Yeah...the mind tends to uncoil in this manner ALL THE TIME.

T

Hitting those High Notes thanks to a Squeeze of a Tube (not that tube): an excerpt
Or Aspirations to Operatic Endeavors via a most amazing Unguent

The Liquid Castrato (a distant cousin of Liquid Plumber...and a wholly failed marketing experiment...but only stateside) applied liberally 'bout the lap-dance region of most hormonally turbo-charged Jiggley Louts sizzled seemingly Happily (as some fluids are known to...see Cheeky Salve for details) while undertaking its most foul duties.

Somewhere nearby (another room? another dimension? a Trade Post in Winnipeg?) a older fellow (that should know better) giggles quietly after typing out the word DUTIES).

T