Rejected Additions to the recent volume of HAPPINESS IS A WARM PUPPY

HAPPINESS is...

discovering that wristbands are included in your beer-making kit.

reinforced rivets and seams for your Plus-Sized dungarees.

registering as SUNDRIED BEFOULED UNION SUIT FETISHIST on a coin-operated Stink-O-Meter.

ditching the lifelong nickname of 'Gravy Boogers' via a now much-more-affordable rhinoplasty procedure.

a crash helmet worn during a Gourd and Concrete-Filled-Waders stunt.

a free hair-pick from a chance encounter with a nomadic hair-stylist.

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