So I went Up North...
...a few weeks back and, prior to this vacation, stopped off at an area Target to get some assorted dealie-bobs, geegaws and assorted sundries. When my circuit of the store was complete I made a second pass and came upon the Camping Gear department. While I wasn't necessarily camping (we were staying at a cabin) I would be 'roughing it' (at least in my very peculiar definition of this term...which usually means 'not sleeping in my own bed') and decided it would very 'outdoorsy' of me if I purchased something 'rugged' to flaunt when my City Mouse Nature was belittled by my fellow Cabin mates, local citizenry and the random anthropomorphic woodland creature ('Who you callin' GREENHORN, Mister Vole?!?). What would it be?
A canteen?
Naw...beer comes in it's own container and I was sure we had a cooler of some sort.
A flashlight?
Naw...the one that really caught my eye was akin to those Cop Flashlights (the ones that take 20 odd Double D batteries, or whatever, and are suitable for illuminating entire city blocks AND tremendous blunt force injuries).
A compass?
WWWEEELLLLLL...this would be appropriate for me as I'm reknowned for getting lost in the very city of my birth. Plop me out in the wilderness 3 1/2 hours north of the TCs and see how I'd fare. Since I planned on not going anywhere alone I axed this consideration and prayed that IF I were to become lost that my (non-existent) former Cub Scout skills would be recalled (When lost in the woods...lie down and scream until unconscious? Eat waterbugs? Something like that)
A Leathermen tool?
Hell, YEAH! Those things are even cooler than Swiss Army Knives! Just the thing to boost my image as a Ranger Rick-ian or somesuch nonsense. That's just the thing I needed. Plus it came with its own leather holster! Almost a faux-Batman Utility Belt vibe that certainly catered to the Nerdblood coursin' through my veins.
Or so I thought.
Egads, were they expensive. Was it worth the 70 odd bucks for the deluxe Leathermen for a few days of respect from my Up-Northian Brethren? Surely there would be assorted OOOs and AAAHs from the assembled masses when I, say, whipped out my handy-dandy Leathermen pliers and removed the thorn from the anguished bear's paw (and, thus, obtaining a lifelong ally in the mold of Chewbacca's soul debt to Han Solo) OR, utilizing one of the knifes of this multi-purpose tool, whittling my very own arrows, toothpicks and clogs...but was the expense worth this fleeting noteriety?
After much pondering (and total abandonment of said desire to appear 'rugged') I finally settled on spending the money instead on Mattel's newly released Millenium Falcon AND a Han Solo action figure...I mean, shit, the things got electronic sound effects and Everything.
Old Dog...No new tricks.
T
(and, sadly, I couldn't locate a new Chewbacca...but I'm still looking...mayhap there's a badge to be earned for Wookiee Action Figure 'Safari'?)
...a few weeks back and, prior to this vacation, stopped off at an area Target to get some assorted dealie-bobs, geegaws and assorted sundries. When my circuit of the store was complete I made a second pass and came upon the Camping Gear department. While I wasn't necessarily camping (we were staying at a cabin) I would be 'roughing it' (at least in my very peculiar definition of this term...which usually means 'not sleeping in my own bed') and decided it would very 'outdoorsy' of me if I purchased something 'rugged' to flaunt when my City Mouse Nature was belittled by my fellow Cabin mates, local citizenry and the random anthropomorphic woodland creature ('Who you callin' GREENHORN, Mister Vole?!?). What would it be?
A canteen?
Naw...beer comes in it's own container and I was sure we had a cooler of some sort.
A flashlight?
Naw...the one that really caught my eye was akin to those Cop Flashlights (the ones that take 20 odd Double D batteries, or whatever, and are suitable for illuminating entire city blocks AND tremendous blunt force injuries).
A compass?
WWWEEELLLLLL...this would be appropriate for me as I'm reknowned for getting lost in the very city of my birth. Plop me out in the wilderness 3 1/2 hours north of the TCs and see how I'd fare. Since I planned on not going anywhere alone I axed this consideration and prayed that IF I were to become lost that my (non-existent) former Cub Scout skills would be recalled (When lost in the woods...lie down and scream until unconscious? Eat waterbugs? Something like that)
A Leathermen tool?
Hell, YEAH! Those things are even cooler than Swiss Army Knives! Just the thing to boost my image as a Ranger Rick-ian or somesuch nonsense. That's just the thing I needed. Plus it came with its own leather holster! Almost a faux-Batman Utility Belt vibe that certainly catered to the Nerdblood coursin' through my veins.
Or so I thought.
Egads, were they expensive. Was it worth the 70 odd bucks for the deluxe Leathermen for a few days of respect from my Up-Northian Brethren? Surely there would be assorted OOOs and AAAHs from the assembled masses when I, say, whipped out my handy-dandy Leathermen pliers and removed the thorn from the anguished bear's paw (and, thus, obtaining a lifelong ally in the mold of Chewbacca's soul debt to Han Solo) OR, utilizing one of the knifes of this multi-purpose tool, whittling my very own arrows, toothpicks and clogs...but was the expense worth this fleeting noteriety?
After much pondering (and total abandonment of said desire to appear 'rugged') I finally settled on spending the money instead on Mattel's newly released Millenium Falcon AND a Han Solo action figure...I mean, shit, the things got electronic sound effects and Everything.
Old Dog...No new tricks.
T
(and, sadly, I couldn't locate a new Chewbacca...but I'm still looking...mayhap there's a badge to be earned for Wookiee Action Figure 'Safari'?)
posted by Tony at 6:01 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home