Hardwood Grunter
a short quiz

From the list below, correctly identify what a HARDWOOD GRUNTER is:

1. A pornographic film involving a Floor Refinisher and his spastic colon.
2. A fictional private eye that starred in such novels as THE WIDOW O'MALLEY'S CORNFUDGE BACKPACK--MISSING! and SILENT NIGHT/HOLY HANNAH: THE CASE OF THE INTANGIBLE NUN.
3. The starting noseguard for the Poughkeepsie Dustbins.
4. A deer calling device.
5. A foul sexual maneuver one could utilize in place of The Dirty Sanchez, Arabian Googles, The Humboldt Position, Italian Chandelier and so on.

If you picked 4 it is a safe bet that you are a hunter because I sure as hell was startled by the name of this device when I ran across it while accompanying some pals to a sporting goods store. If I WERE a hunter and, whilst in the woods searching for my deer-ish prey, I'd lose it completely in a fit of hysterical laughter when I reached for my HARDWOOD GRUNTER (with extendable GRUNT TUBE per the packaging blurb...the Hell?!?); said HarHar-ing would certainly drive any nearby animals out of range of my trusty weapon-of-choice.

"Hey, Stanley...ya gots that HARDWOOD GRUNTER handy?"
"Why, Earl...I thought you'd never ask."
ZZZIIIPPP
(hunting pants hit the ground and vigorous Rutting ensues)

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