Notes from the biography of 'Sausage Buffet' Jones
Gunter 'Sausage Buffet' Jones wasn't much of a talker, preferring to let his modified mostly pork-products speak for him* from the display cases of his meat market. Other than the time that the 'People's Butcher' had to talk the Widow of Jasper Unkroot down from an unattended meat hook she had strung herself up on after delusionally 'seeing' her late husband's visage in a steaming plate of kielbasas,** he was rarely known to utter a single word whilst plying his trade. This trait was especially appreciated by the large Mute community of East Trundletown and, upon his passing from this Mortal Coil in the fall of 1953, their gratitude to his years of stoic sausage services was reflected in the monument they erected in town square (the funds to do so were, naturally, raised through a well-attended meat raffle/weenie roast shortly after his wake); aptly titled 'The Taciturn Sau-Sage.'
T
*Not like a puppet or ventriloquist's dummy...sausage puppetry was one European trend that went unembraced (yowza) in America but is rumored to still be practiced in so-called 'sausage cults' strewn about the continental United States. Practitioners profess that by speaking through the 'meat-man' they are becoming one with Wise-Wurst, the Weiner Uber-God, and, in a secondary manner, entertaining their peers and ceremonial attendees. The puppets are then consumed and, thus, passed through the 'Inner Sausage' of each feaster.
**The family physician/psychiatrist/cobbler of the Unkroot's later determined that the scent of the kielbasas had triggered memories of the Widow's late husband as he was reknowned for his chug-a-lunching said sausages four links at a time and, therefore, usually lurked in a smell-cloud only a loving wife could endure.
Gunter 'Sausage Buffet' Jones wasn't much of a talker, preferring to let his modified mostly pork-products speak for him* from the display cases of his meat market. Other than the time that the 'People's Butcher' had to talk the Widow of Jasper Unkroot down from an unattended meat hook she had strung herself up on after delusionally 'seeing' her late husband's visage in a steaming plate of kielbasas,** he was rarely known to utter a single word whilst plying his trade. This trait was especially appreciated by the large Mute community of East Trundletown and, upon his passing from this Mortal Coil in the fall of 1953, their gratitude to his years of stoic sausage services was reflected in the monument they erected in town square (the funds to do so were, naturally, raised through a well-attended meat raffle/weenie roast shortly after his wake); aptly titled 'The Taciturn Sau-Sage.'
T
*Not like a puppet or ventriloquist's dummy...sausage puppetry was one European trend that went unembraced (yowza) in America but is rumored to still be practiced in so-called 'sausage cults' strewn about the continental United States. Practitioners profess that by speaking through the 'meat-man' they are becoming one with Wise-Wurst, the Weiner Uber-God, and, in a secondary manner, entertaining their peers and ceremonial attendees. The puppets are then consumed and, thus, passed through the 'Inner Sausage' of each feaster.
**The family physician/psychiatrist/cobbler of the Unkroot's later determined that the scent of the kielbasas had triggered memories of the Widow's late husband as he was reknowned for his chug-a-lunching said sausages four links at a time and, therefore, usually lurked in a smell-cloud only a loving wife could endure.
posted by Tony at 7:33 PM
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