Survey

You know all those e-mail surveys your friends send you that ask things like:

-Dogs or Cats:
-Bacon bits or croutons:
-Your favorite Monkee is ___

and your answers will offer others a glimpse of your personality/sanity/depravity/et cetera?

After receiving these things in various forms and mutations I decided to create my own a couple of years ago just for shits and giggles.

Thanks go out to LA for reminding me about it so that I can now offer you that self-made survey of mine (feel free to pass it around...har):




Identify Yourself by Name, Serial Number, Stench or Alias:

Your Ethnic Mixture:

Your Personal Slogan:

What was the Age of your First De-Flowering (real or imagined)?

N'SYNC, En Vogue, Inseam or UnSeemly?

Have you taken Jesus T. Christ as your Savior?
If Not, if you caught Savior-Faire, would you turn him into Mincemeat (a la
Klondike Kat)?

What is your Preferred Clinch?

Jaws, Orca or Free Willy?

Boston University...Pro or Con?

Do you Jingle your Change?
If Yes, are you Still Kinda Cute?

Favorite AWA Wrestler?

Favorite Saint Bernard's Wrestler?

Do you own a Bong?

Were any of your Classmates named Bong?

Is the MAN out to get you?
If Yes, is your name Chico and do you sleep in a car in his garage?

What would the title of your Autobiography be?

Name a Pianist (Classical or Otherwise) that you would like to see
bludgeoned (by your own hands or by the Club of a hired Cudgelist):

Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal or Pat Morita?

Last Book you were Unable to Finish?

Have you ever seen your parent(s) in a Compromising Position?

Have your parents ever caught you in a Compromising Position?

Finish the Following Statement:

Seeing a Man about a Horse is to Urination as
Strangling the Transient is to __________________.

Belly Button...In or Out?

If a Tree falls in the Forest and there is No One around to hear it,
could you Identify the Lumberjack Responsible?

Has your Body ever been used as a(n):
1. table
2. blank canvas
3. battering ram
4. source of heat
5. source of nutrition
6. article of clothing
7. ladder
8. monkey bar
9. ottoman
10. paper weight

What is your preferred brand of Denim-wear?

Have you ever been to a Hyptonist?
If Yes, do you ever experience spells of Unexplained Clucking?

What is the Last Recording that you Purchased?
Was it worth it?

Name a Television Program (Broadcast or Cable) with No Redeeming
Qualities:

Do you remember Captain Caveman?
If Yes, are you of the belief that he was having relations with the
ladies of his Crime Solving Posse?

One Night Stand, Two Night Stand or No Standing At All?

Three Words you Would Use to Describe yourself?

If you were Corky from the television program LIFE GOES ON, what would
you do for Fun?

Cassius Clay or Muhammed Ali?

Have you ever attired yourself in Swaddling?

Name your favorite sandwich?

Cream Corn from the Socket of Davis, Locust Abortion Technician, Hairway
to Steven or Electric Larryland?

Van Morrison...Fat enough for you?

What is the Maximum Number of White Castle burgers (plain or with
cheese) you have consumed in one sitting/leaning/standing/hunching?

Would you make fun of a person with a Lazy Eye?
If Yes, what would you say or do to slander this person?

Pastrami-on-Rye or John the Baptist with Fries?

Name the last person you gave "the Business" to?
Define "the Business" as it relates to you:

What is your Least Favorite Beast of Burden?

Where is the oddest place you have ever Boxed the Clown?
a. In the Ringmaster's Dressing Wagon
b. Atop the hood of a Shriner's Car
c. At a child's Birthday party
d. Whilst dangling from a trapeze
e. Other: __________________





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