Ask Dr. Dream

Dear Dr. Dream,

The other evening I had a dream that involved me soaking in a steaming bath tub...only the multiple faucets encircling this large basin were are molded in the shape of the head of Mama Cass and, even though this WAS a dream, I could swear the fluid gushing forth from each of them smelled like swine. Hot Boiled Ham Water. I was 'luxuriating' in Hot Boiled Ham Water and didn't have a care in the world. Little Metal Mama Cass Heads were Expectoring Ham Water all over me and I was up to my neck in it AND DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE!!! What could this mean?

The Un-Sty Guy


Dear USG,

Yer MA used tah boil the pork sausages for ya, right? I mean, what else could that shit mean? Them maternal culinary missteps from your youth are coming backs tah haunts ya, man. That's gotta be it. Hundreds 'pon hundreds of intestinely encased lil' piglets sating your tuddley appetite. You should see someone about this. If not soon you may find yourself dreamin' 'bout being clad in a mummu and riding an amphibious pig 'cross the River Styx or sumpin'. And we ALL know what that means, don't we? That's right; a career in Gas Station Weiner Roller Heating Mechanism Repair...jez like my back water (non-Ham) cousin, Squiggley.

DD