Conversations I will Soon Have with my Neighbors: Part One

It has recently come to my attention that the people that live in my neighborhood don't think I'm very friendly; namely, they've noted I don't:

Wave at them when I go by in my car or on foot with the dog

Say HI/HELLO/CIAO/WHAT'S SHAKING? next to never



Y'know...the Whole ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR EXISTENCE kinda thing.


THUS, I am going to spend this Week at TIPTONE PRESENTS test running some Chitty-Chattery-Chit-Chat that I will subsequently Spring upon these Whining Bastards the next time I encounter one in Wilds of my 'Hood. And it ain't going to be any of that horridly inane and achingly mundane shit involving the Weather or the State of our Respective Lawns/Shrubberies/Chinchilla Rescue Service.


"Hey, yeah...heh...my dog here--he's something like 60 pounds or so-- he likes to sleep on my chest, perpendicular to my sternum. Not parallel, mind you...that'd be kinda...weird? Yeah. The REAL strange thing 'bout it is that it often reminds me of this time I had a water-soddened sack of flour strapped to my chest and tossed into a vat of fudge...this was during my time as an Extreme Sports Participant...they called the Event THE ANGRY BAKER'S PAYBACK. I took third but smelled like a Keebler Elf for three weeks afterwards."

T