A Poor-Man's Ralph Lauren
or Slip(pers) of the Tongue
 
Stepping outside to fetch the newspaper one early morning I caught sight of a neighbor doing likewise, noted the slippers on his feet, and unsuccessfully choked off a snorting chortle at their threadbare appearance.  At the sound of this he angrily yelled to me (obviously picking up quickly exactly what it was that brought laughter to my lips):
 
"Laughin' at a man's...A MAN'S...slippers is a despicable slur--akin to a feral beast unleashing his fetid bowels upon the fresh grave of a recently dearly--and not a Bambi Deer-ly--departed!!!  Did you know that?  Did you also know that slippers are the new Birkenstocks?  I betcha didn't!  You certainly don't appear to be UP on your fashion trends whilst I--I--am a trailblazer.  Here's another one for ya:  thongs are the new unionsuits!  Stick those in your shorts and jiggle!!!  Don't think that I won't remember this transgression the next time we cross paths OR you're in need of a cup of sugar or a batch of my mother's famed rhubarb!"
 
Thank heavens he was wearing a robe which masked his choice in undergarments; the one-two-punch of his slippers/drawers combo would have elicited a far more outrageous outburst from me than a semi-throttled HaHa and, more than likely, a phone call to the Fuzz.
 
A cautionary tale, no doubt. 
 
T