Close Encounter of the 3'3 Kind
Last Friday evening looked promising; a friend was having a group of folk over to hang out, enjoy a few (too many?) beverages, and shoot the breeze. Prior to arriving I made a quick stop at a nearby liquor store (Steiner's, on the corner of Rice and Maryland) in order to arm myself with beer. I was in and out in mere minutes and got back into my Jeep for the short jaunt over to my pal's abode. Pulling out of my parking spot my sorely sub-par peripheral vision (curse this lazy eye!) caught the peep of SOMETHING/SOMEONE darting in front of my accelerating vehicle. Although it may not be the most trust-worthy I thought it best (in this split second) to heed the vision and slam on the brakes. As I screeched to a halt my goo-goo-googley eyes confirmed that they had, in fact, spotted something and I HAD made the right instantaneous choice to grind to a stop. The figure only glanced back for a peek and kept moving. Anger rising in me now as my eyes and brain got together to decipher what the Hell had just happened. The Almost Squashed was small...real small...but not a child. Definitely not a child...and my mouth decided to skip politeness and bellow out the following when the proper identification pinged in my grey matter:
"GODDAMN MIDGET!!!"
By the time this curse left my lips, the little person/potential speedbump was scurrying across the street (and jay-running, I might add) and, in what was surely a mild hallucination, I could have sworn that she was trailing shimmering pixie dust as she beat asphalt (this illusion could most certainly be explained as a result of my coming so damn close to killing someone and the resulting adrenaline fuzzing up my already questionable sight...unless, of course, she has some sort of mild magical abilities...although now I suspect I am simply making an ill-advised midget-as-sprite Ha Ha). In another moment, she had already entered a home and was gone; all the while I was still sitting in my Jeep, shaking from the almost vehicular dwarf-slaughter I had nearly partaken of.
Wouldn't have that made for a fine and dandy headline in the morning paper?
JEEP CREEP KILLS LIL' UN: Local Lollipop Guild Vows Revenge
Ugh.
That evening I dreamt of burning stilts in my frontyard...
To top it all off, the midget in question is also known in the city as a prostitute (having made several appearances on the local police web-site) and graduated from the same High School I did. So, if a splat had happened I could have also expected a retaliation by her pimp AND lots of awkward moments at my next High School Reunion.
T
(To cop--heh-- a line from Hill Street Blues, 'Be careful out there')
Last Friday evening looked promising; a friend was having a group of folk over to hang out, enjoy a few (too many?) beverages, and shoot the breeze. Prior to arriving I made a quick stop at a nearby liquor store (Steiner's, on the corner of Rice and Maryland) in order to arm myself with beer. I was in and out in mere minutes and got back into my Jeep for the short jaunt over to my pal's abode. Pulling out of my parking spot my sorely sub-par peripheral vision (curse this lazy eye!) caught the peep of SOMETHING/SOMEONE darting in front of my accelerating vehicle. Although it may not be the most trust-worthy I thought it best (in this split second) to heed the vision and slam on the brakes. As I screeched to a halt my goo-goo-googley eyes confirmed that they had, in fact, spotted something and I HAD made the right instantaneous choice to grind to a stop. The figure only glanced back for a peek and kept moving. Anger rising in me now as my eyes and brain got together to decipher what the Hell had just happened. The Almost Squashed was small...real small...but not a child. Definitely not a child...and my mouth decided to skip politeness and bellow out the following when the proper identification pinged in my grey matter:
"GODDAMN MIDGET!!!"
By the time this curse left my lips, the little person/potential speedbump was scurrying across the street (and jay-running, I might add) and, in what was surely a mild hallucination, I could have sworn that she was trailing shimmering pixie dust as she beat asphalt (this illusion could most certainly be explained as a result of my coming so damn close to killing someone and the resulting adrenaline fuzzing up my already questionable sight...unless, of course, she has some sort of mild magical abilities...although now I suspect I am simply making an ill-advised midget-as-sprite Ha Ha). In another moment, she had already entered a home and was gone; all the while I was still sitting in my Jeep, shaking from the almost vehicular dwarf-slaughter I had nearly partaken of.
Wouldn't have that made for a fine and dandy headline in the morning paper?
JEEP CREEP KILLS LIL' UN: Local Lollipop Guild Vows Revenge
Ugh.
That evening I dreamt of burning stilts in my frontyard...
To top it all off, the midget in question is also known in the city as a prostitute (having made several appearances on the local police web-site) and graduated from the same High School I did. So, if a splat had happened I could have also expected a retaliation by her pimp AND lots of awkward moments at my next High School Reunion.
T
(To cop--heh-- a line from Hill Street Blues, 'Be careful out there')
posted by Tony at 6:52 PM
1 Comments:
Susie! Lol
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