Remember the first Arcadia single?
Election Day here in the Twin Towns with City Council and School Board positions open in very tight races (particularly in the former category). Candidate literature over-flowed from my mailbox DAILY as each of them hoped to snare my precious vote. When it came down to it there was very little content in this propaganda to assist me in differentiating one candidate's stance and/or views from the other...leaving me unable to decide which of these office piners I would grace with a blot of ink on the ballot...and-- Thus-- one step closer to the coveted City Council Representative title, chair, victory sash, et cetera.
After many days of scouring their pamphlets, flyers, personal letters and postcards-- each one pleading their respective cases on WHY they would be the best choice for office and emblazoned with photos of themselves and their families-- I finally stumbled upon the candidate that I could vote for and feel good about doing so...but p'raps NOT for any reason my selection would have ever dreamed up and included in any Campaign Literature:
I ended up voting for the Candidate with the worst looking spouse and child/children.*
No...really...I did.
Why's that, you may be wondering?
In my eyes there was a definite Hidden Agenda underlying his/her run for office...beyond political aspirations and a position of city-wide power...that was to get even more time away from his/her ugly-ass family. Love is blind, I know...but not so blind to realize that it might be healthy to get some additional time away from the Troglodytes infesting your homestead (even if some of them are a product of your Brood-Breeding).
If that's the case...why not join a club or take up residency at a local watering hole as the Featured Wino if you don't want to be around the blinding grostesqueries you call Family, you might now be asking yourself...why run for office of any nature?
Simple.
It is a much better excuse to not be home than the atypical 'Honey, I'll be at the Gym' or the Andy Capp-ian, 'I'm nipping off to me pub for a pint and some jawing.'
As an ELECTED CITY OFFICIAL you can declare:
'Important business to attend to! We're voting on a new sewage system! I'll see you tomorrow!'
Something of that nature
So...here's hoping that my ploy worked and my Selection is soon basking in the comforts of Entitlement and a very busy schedule that will keep them away from home.
If not...oh well...I tried...I really tried to save ya...
T
*Staying vague here so as not to identify them nor create any hard feelings betwixt them and I (we are more than likely neighbors of a sort, living in the same ward and all)...unless of course they win...in which case they might be VERY thankful for the system I employed in this election selection and consider it for their future Re-Election Campaign: JUST LOOK AT MY WRETCHED FAMILY!
Election Day here in the Twin Towns with City Council and School Board positions open in very tight races (particularly in the former category). Candidate literature over-flowed from my mailbox DAILY as each of them hoped to snare my precious vote. When it came down to it there was very little content in this propaganda to assist me in differentiating one candidate's stance and/or views from the other...leaving me unable to decide which of these office piners I would grace with a blot of ink on the ballot...and-- Thus-- one step closer to the coveted City Council Representative title, chair, victory sash, et cetera.
After many days of scouring their pamphlets, flyers, personal letters and postcards-- each one pleading their respective cases on WHY they would be the best choice for office and emblazoned with photos of themselves and their families-- I finally stumbled upon the candidate that I could vote for and feel good about doing so...but p'raps NOT for any reason my selection would have ever dreamed up and included in any Campaign Literature:
I ended up voting for the Candidate with the worst looking spouse and child/children.*
No...really...I did.
Why's that, you may be wondering?
In my eyes there was a definite Hidden Agenda underlying his/her run for office...beyond political aspirations and a position of city-wide power...that was to get even more time away from his/her ugly-ass family. Love is blind, I know...but not so blind to realize that it might be healthy to get some additional time away from the Troglodytes infesting your homestead (even if some of them are a product of your Brood-Breeding).
If that's the case...why not join a club or take up residency at a local watering hole as the Featured Wino if you don't want to be around the blinding grostesqueries you call Family, you might now be asking yourself...why run for office of any nature?
Simple.
It is a much better excuse to not be home than the atypical 'Honey, I'll be at the Gym' or the Andy Capp-ian, 'I'm nipping off to me pub for a pint and some jawing.'
As an ELECTED CITY OFFICIAL you can declare:
'Important business to attend to! We're voting on a new sewage system! I'll see you tomorrow!'
Something of that nature
So...here's hoping that my ploy worked and my Selection is soon basking in the comforts of Entitlement and a very busy schedule that will keep them away from home.
If not...oh well...I tried...I really tried to save ya...
T
*Staying vague here so as not to identify them nor create any hard feelings betwixt them and I (we are more than likely neighbors of a sort, living in the same ward and all)...unless of course they win...in which case they might be VERY thankful for the system I employed in this election selection and consider it for their future Re-Election Campaign: JUST LOOK AT MY WRETCHED FAMILY!
posted by Tony at 7:03 PM
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