Examples of Unimpressive Braggadocio
I know how to say SHITPANTS in Finnish.
I ain't no Mamby-Pamby. Didn't even shed a tear when they tore down my favorite Taco Bell and replaced it with an Burrito Escape Hatch.
This Chamber Pot here, once used by John Wayne on the set of TRUE GRIT (I have a Certificate of Authenticity), puts the entirety of your Thimble Collection to shame...unless some other Western Star used 'em all as lil' Piss Cups, which I doubt...and I still don't believe that Texas one of your's actually passed through Yul Brynner's GI when he was filming WESTWORLD.
I only wear pleather pants and the ladies appreciate the look AND the sound of them...especially when I'm Do-Si-Do-ing. That...that is the sound of a Real Man.
My Tinker ancestry has opened doors that your Bohemian Blood wouldn't be able to find in the dark even if it were mixed with Scent Hound DNA!
They call me the Perspiration Tsunami cuz I can sluice through 3 medically prescribed sweatbands during a marathon game of Dance Dance Revolution.
Spent a better part of the early 90s as a roadie for Rick Astley and then graduated up to personally handling Phil Collins' schnoodles when he was on tour. That's right, Phil Mother-Fucking Collin's Schnoodles, jackass.
Ya ever hear of Pubic Topiary? I originated that art form.
Garrison Keillor modelled the look of his Neck after mine.
Survived a Hot Gravy Scalding thanks to my ESP and Lightning Fast Hips.
This extra knuckle means I can roll pennies like I work at the US Mint and it also proves useful when ya find yourself choking on a portobello mushroom steak.
Some souses see Pink Elephants when they're Juiced Up; I see Lemur-weilding Rodeo Clowns with Bronson 'staches prominently displayed. Real 'staches...not yer typical painted-on-Clown-'staches.
I can Armpit Squeak all 9 of Beethoven's Symphonies
My rain gutters double as food troughs for flying pigs AND pegasi.
I know how to say SHITPANTS in Finnish.
I ain't no Mamby-Pamby. Didn't even shed a tear when they tore down my favorite Taco Bell and replaced it with an Burrito Escape Hatch.
This Chamber Pot here, once used by John Wayne on the set of TRUE GRIT (I have a Certificate of Authenticity), puts the entirety of your Thimble Collection to shame...unless some other Western Star used 'em all as lil' Piss Cups, which I doubt...and I still don't believe that Texas one of your's actually passed through Yul Brynner's GI when he was filming WESTWORLD.
I only wear pleather pants and the ladies appreciate the look AND the sound of them...especially when I'm Do-Si-Do-ing. That...that is the sound of a Real Man.
My Tinker ancestry has opened doors that your Bohemian Blood wouldn't be able to find in the dark even if it were mixed with Scent Hound DNA!
They call me the Perspiration Tsunami cuz I can sluice through 3 medically prescribed sweatbands during a marathon game of Dance Dance Revolution.
Spent a better part of the early 90s as a roadie for Rick Astley and then graduated up to personally handling Phil Collins' schnoodles when he was on tour. That's right, Phil Mother-Fucking Collin's Schnoodles, jackass.
Ya ever hear of Pubic Topiary? I originated that art form.
Garrison Keillor modelled the look of his Neck after mine.
Survived a Hot Gravy Scalding thanks to my ESP and Lightning Fast Hips.
This extra knuckle means I can roll pennies like I work at the US Mint and it also proves useful when ya find yourself choking on a portobello mushroom steak.
Some souses see Pink Elephants when they're Juiced Up; I see Lemur-weilding Rodeo Clowns with Bronson 'staches prominently displayed. Real 'staches...not yer typical painted-on-Clown-'staches.
I can Armpit Squeak all 9 of Beethoven's Symphonies
My rain gutters double as food troughs for flying pigs AND pegasi.
posted by Tony at 5:13 PM
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