The next epidemic?

APA: Anxious Pants Asphyxia


Earliests signs are manifest in the young, caught up in the latest Ad Blitz from the likes of Rustler Brand Jeans (especially now in light of the media storm caused by the film BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN and typical cross promotions); the consequence of which will be a ceaseless demand for said denim jeans until acquisition is complete. Unfortunately, the enthusiasm for these pants (and their stylish snugness through the ass, crotch, and lower extremities) coupled with the sorry state of fitness in today's youth (raging obesity in minors) will, invariably, lead to a rise to a before unknown syndrome; the aforementioned Anxious Pants Asphyxia. The corpulent young of America and their insatiable appetite for all-things fashionable are ill-suited (ill-fit?) for dungarees of this sort; they are just too damn tight for the trundling tud-masses. Blood flow will be cinched off, rot will settle in sub-waist, and, hence, this lower body form of asphyxia (normally identified with areas much further north of the belt-line). In cases of full on-set of APA parents only recourse will be a shopping spree at their area wheelcar lot and, obviously, some other form of clothing to drape over their youngster's useless pegs (presumably in the kilt or mumuu family).

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