The Laments of a Fellow with Dumb Ass Mutant Powers

I was about 13 or 14 when the family physician informs my parents that I've got a mutant gene (it manifested itself at the same time I was hitting puberty) and, at first, I thought it'd be pretty cool to see what special abilities and/or powers I was going to get due to this mutation. Unfortunately, they were not evident right away. This gave me a lot of time to dream up my Wish List of superheroic powers and what I'd do with them. Like flight, super strength or maybe even some kick ass eye beams of some sort; be a sorta small-town X-Man or something. But NOOO. Not in the cards for me. As I learned in short order I had the ability to make people want to have sexual congress with wigs (first discovered this trait at an area Sears...my mom was looking for a hairpiece for my father's shiney pate...the afflicted clerk, when he entered by sphere of influence, was caught on the security camera balls deep in a Mae West-like faux-coif). Not very useful in fighting crime, let me tell you, but I did have a short-lived career in Adult Entertainment...people used to call me Afro-Disiac...sad but true.

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