Fear of Lawn Decorations

Sure, you might sometimes worry yourself into a froth thinking that those little Lawn Jockeys and Garden Gnomes are secretly plotting (under cover of the night, naturally...wouldn't want us Non-Nocturnal-Types to catch wind*/sight** of their nefarious cabal) to impregnate our women and enslave us menfolk (to work their cheese mines and pull their tiny rickshaws...betcha didn't know about these things, eh?)...but I worried most about the giant Panda (carved from the trunk of a former tree-trunk) down the street from me and his/her solitairy plans to eat me whilst I sleep (I'm sensitve to the telepathic abilities of inanimate objects with Human Flesh Hunger Pangs, y'know).

That is until I noticed that some 'poachers' toppled it recently.

Take THAT, Wooden Panda Golem!!! My corpse will now never find itself digesting slowly in your bole-ish gullet!


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*Ya ever smell a Gnome or a Lawn Jockey? Don't. Just Don't.
**And, whatever you do, DON'T stare at them! They've got photographic memories and WILL find out where you live!