Somewhere over the Rainbow

'Scuse me...you 'pear to be a fellow's that cracked a few books in his time...maybe even took some correspondence courses to amp up yer ICK...

ICK?

Yeah...that Smarts thing...how they weigh or measure how much thinkin' ya gots sloshin' 'round in yer melon bowl? ICK, idn't it?

I think you mean I. Q. The letters stand for Intelligence Quotient and you just say the letters seperately and not like they're a word.

Ah HA! You is a real Brainiactical fellow, for reals. Cool. 'Kay, so you gots the smarts; have ya also been 'round 'bout the world and been that two-wrist type ah guy...seein' the sights, soakin' in the worldly 'speriences?

Uhm...well...both of my arms are still wholly intact...so...er...yeah...I've got two wrists.

Damn Straight. A Globetrotter to boot!

Oh...you meant TOURIST. Right. Sure, I've travelled a bit in my time.

Swee'. Kay, uhm...ever been off the Earth?

What? Do you mean...like...in a plane? Hovering? A rocket ship?

Not 'sactly sure how you'd get there...but that's okay...either ways, this has gotstah be muh lucky day. Kay, I got a question fer ya, I'm-Stein; ya ready or you gotta warm up yer bean afore gettin' down to some serious noodle-scratchin'?

Er...sure...go ahead, I guess.

AND charitable. Youse a Saint, too...like John the Bap-Timian...'cept with yer head still restin' properly 'pon yer neck-stalk. Kay, here goes: Ya ever hear o' a place called Ass-Guard?

Ass-Guard? Ass-Guard. Do you mean ASGARD, the mythical domain of Norse Deities? THAT Asgard?

Sounds right. I think we be on the same page and shit. Good. I think one ah them sum-beeches stole muh dog Mistah Chompers.

...

Don't be givin' me that look, man...I be serious. I'm pretty sure the guy's name was Hymie-dale...somethin' like that. Hymen-dill? High-Dull?

Heimdell? Are you telling me that the Norse Deity HEIMDELL, the Guardian of the Rainbow Bridge leading to Asgard, absconded with your canine companion? Inebriated much or are you a bit late on your meds schedule?

Yeah...fucker SAID he worked security. Fucker stole my muthafuckin' dog Mistah Chompers. With all his THOUs and DOTHs and FUCKeths and Shit. Fuck!!! Heimdell. That's the fucker. Wanna help me get me doggie back? He was a big muthah...I could use an assist.

Uhm...Sure...Let me go get my Magical Goats and Chariot which I left parked over at the KFC. I'll be right back.

Cool. Cool. I'll wait fer ya here and hone my shiv.

T