And you dropped from school WHY?

Family curse that when reaching a certain age each patella devolves into the consistency of pudding; subsequent taunts by classmates in Bill Cosby-esque voice hurtful considering the condition is incurable unless family can roust an able-bodied hoodoo practitioner and a suitable amassment of chicken bones (tasks not as easy as they may sound).

Lap burns caused by a wayward hot potato tossed by undiagnosed-with-anger-issues-and/or-mercury-poisoned Uncle Elliot.

Faulty medicinal pants and lingering Vicks aroma

An elf infestation in home's ductwork coupled with high concentration of pixie dust and gorgon guano in the basement

Star Trek: Enterprise was cancelled; off to protest the network.

Eloping with the sexy wooden mermaid attached to the prow of the HMS Alert-Plook

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