Beverage Inquiry from an Unlikely Source

Minding an assortment of letters whilst at work today (Ps, Qs, the occasional Zed...I'm SOO international that way...sing with me, "Hands across the water...Hands across the sea) when I was startled out of my alphabetic shepherding by an unepected (and unrequested) appearance from our friendly neighborhood Janitor, Johann (named changed to protect no one in particular...just the sort of thing to add a lil' mystery to the tale). He was holding a column of styrofoam cups and a pitcher of some yellowish fluid and motioning them to me (shake shake splash splash) while asking:

"Would you care for some fresh pineapple juice?"

Naturally, one does not expect such a question from the resident practitioner of the custodial arts. They aren't reknowned for dispensing quaffs of any sort (fruit squeezings or otherwise); per their profession, the closest thing a janitor might have that could be considered drinkable might be Lysol--Lemon-scented or, I s'pose, flavored-- strained through a loaf of bread (a la hoboes...both the loaf and the transient supplied seperately...unless the janitor in question is THAT well-prepared) or a couple of Urinal Cakes dissolved in a slop bucket (which could be considered a wheeled plasticine beer stein if you felt the need to rechristen it; sounds more palatable that way, swilling it in that capacity if you were so inclined to ingesting a concoction of this type).

Heck, even I--a janitor during my late high school/college years-- was never heard to utter anything even remotely like this offer. I might have been able to score you a few free rolls of toilet paper and a fistfull of sanitary napkins if requested but never a potation of any sort (Sieved Lysol, Urinal Cake-Ade, et cetera).

A muted moment elapsed while several thoughts ricocheted through my head bone (unrealistic as they were but, hell, consider the source, eh?):

"Is that piss? Why the Hell does he have a pitcher of fucking urine, who's piss is it, and why does he think I want some?!? Is my office persona that of a closet-piss-swigger? What would make someone think that? Do I have...mental gasp...'Golden' Breathe? Are co-workers spreading horrifying rumors about me behind my back? Hey, d'ya hear about, Tip? In his spare time he ingurgitates his own AND--when available-- other folks' piddle!!! S'true. I heard him gargling in the restroom once and another time I saw him go in there with a freakin' industrial-sized bendy-straw. D'ya ever smell his breathe? Fuck me, I'm screwed. Does that mean if I say YES that it'll confirm these libelous slurs? How dare he strut in here and insult me in this manner! Splash Splash, cup o' Wee Wee for you, sir. Unless, that is, it IS actually pineapple juice. What kind of janitor shows up at work with enough pineapple juice to share with his co-workers? A nice one would, I s'pose...I'd have never done it. It's probably not piss afterall. I don't even LIKE pineapple juice or pee for that matter. I could have passed on the offer immediately instread of ruminating. I sure have been silent for too long...and a lil' neurotic. I'd better respond."

"Uhm...no?!?"

"Oh, okay."

And so he departed to continue his drinkie campaign.

For the remainder of the afternoon I was left to ponder the sheer number of cups he had with him; which may have denoted very few takers on his offer, that I was his first stop on his Roaming Fruit Drink Crusade OR others thought it was urine, too.

Considering my initial reaction I'd like to believe it's the latter.

T