TIP: A Man of Sage Advice Replies


Here's an excerpt from an e-mail request I got today from a co-worker:

In an effort to improve the overall quality of our students lives every month students will be able to submit questions pertaining to their personal or professional lives via email and benefit from our panel of experts. One question will be selected each month and our expert's responses will be published in the following month's newsletter.

Wha? Somehow I've become a member of some 'panel of experts' and I distinctly recall no election process NOR every being asked to join their ranks. Hmm. Definitely feel some Ego-Inflation stirring in me dome.

I read on to see what the student's question was that I might/might not respond to:

My future in-laws are buying us a home in time for our wedding this June. His parents have made one condition: that the house would be in my fiancé’s name only. This makes me feel like they don’t trust our relationship.

After a few moments on consideration (assisted by some thoughtful gulps of coffee) I decided I'd take the plunge and sent an Ann-Landers-esque reply. The following is the actual 'Words of Wisdom' that I forwarded to the editor of our newsletter (we shall see if it gets published at all or edited to death):


To thoroughly mangle a clichéd piece of common wisdom in order to make my point: Do not look a Gift House in the mouth (or should that be door instead of mouth in keeping with the house theme? After all, I’ve been in any number of homes in my life and have yet to encounter one with a proverbial mouth; unless it was some sort of Amityville Horror-Style abode and I failed to notice the slavering evil house-maw…but I digress). If the future In-Laws are going to unload some serious ching in order to put a roof over their darling baby boy’s AND his soon-to-be-blushing bride’s respective heads, all the better; no rent or mortgage payments to worry about and a place to keep all your stuff out of the elements. What a deal!!! The fact that they want to leave your name off any of the documents of ownership is a minor quibble; if it does show a lack of trust on their part (in regards to their son’s choice in bridal material) then I would guess that over the course of your long-lasting and loving marriage partnership you will prove them wrong, right? Till death do us part, yes? That’ll show them that your relationship is worthy of their trust. Ergo: Don’t worry about the home only being in his name.

What you should concern yourself with is that they could possibly hold the house over your husband’s head (not the actual house…unless one or both of his parents have superhuman abilities akin to Clark Kent’s alter ego) as a kind of leverage to get their way in your united lives. Think of it as a kind of Sword of Damocles only not so much a metaphoric edged weapon but more of a figurative blunt force/crushing threat hanging in a menacing manner over his head. Mister Hubby is going to have to stand up to them if this does in fact happen. He’s a big boy now (or will be) and doesn’t need to heed to any/all of their demands, regardless of who foot the bill on your domicile. Once the papers are signed and the check is cashed it is his (and yours by proxy) and they will have no real say in how you both chose to conduct your lives…Inside OR Outside your new digs.

Thus, I send out to you early congrats to both your forthcoming vows and the place that you two will come to call home.

PS: Oh…and one more thing…don’t let them have copies of the keys to the front/back door or you might find them camped out in your living room when you return home from an evening out.

PPS: Unless the place they are proposing on buying is a real dump (something like a tricked out lean-to with an attached rain-barrel-as-water-closet); in which case I would pass on the offer all together.


T
(just call me Solomon...Solomon GRUNDY, that is)