A Cautionary Tale

Wulliam 'Bully' Pulpit was a lifelong victim of an ill-chosen vowel on his Birth Certificate by otherwise doting but obviously extremely nearsighted parents. With money tight due to a downswing in the waders market that his father had monopolized early on in his career (via strongarm tactics perfected by his own patriarch, Edwin 'Doanfugwitme' Pulpit, during the Rubber Pants Uprising in the first part of the 20th Century), Wulliam's parents were never able to right this wrong and, thus, the 'modified' name remained.

It was during his first year of Elementary Education that a fellow student, Desmond Flaherty (son of Spud Gun creator, Reilly 'Potato Nugget' Flaherty), took note of the odd spelling/pronunciation and,after several weeks of trial and error tweakings of the name, rechristened young Wulliam with the nickname of 'Bully' (the process of which unfolded in the following manner: Bull, Bullshit, Bullshite, Bullhorn, Bullet, Bull Eats, Bull Feets, Buffet, Muffet, Muffler, Mule, Muley, and, finally, Bully; Des was not the sharpest hoe in the family toolshed). Oddly enough, 'Bully' took little offense at the Alias Experiments of his schoolmate as he had, during the first week of Desmond's Renaming Crusade, taken to urinating vigorously in the Flaherty lad's thermos.

Boys will be boys.

T