Title I'll never be christened with:

Plant Sale Guru

"That feller sure knows his Loam! I purchased three sacks o' dirt on his say-so and I ain't got the foggiest idea-r what tah do with all that 'Mississippi Mud'."
"Down at the nursery, no one can Touch his 'Fragrance' with a ten foot sniffer."
"No one can move a pallet of bulbs like ol' so-and-so."
"Who knew that the juniper bush complimented my aura?"

T