With a disturbing amount of regularity (say...most of my adult life) I am late to work.*
Most of the time (har) it is only by minutes (in increments of five) and, less often, by increments of thirty minutes GAH!!!). Contained within those few seconds of post-slumber awareness is enough self-directed F-bombs to cause a platoon of some of our city's finest former Naval officers to turn tail (blazing scarlet) and admit themselves in the nearest VA hospital (or, if a medical facility of this sort is on a bus line, an American Legion/VFW Swillin' Station).

I blame this (in)ability on the earliest years of my life and the close proximity of both my elementary and high schools (can you say 'across the damn street?'). The sheer luxury of it; sleeping in until five or so minutes prior to the bell (yes...I obviously had no regard for my fellow students as the stink lines eminating forth from me form must have been something else as the week crawled gasping for the sanctuary and promise of distance from the well-rested 'aromatic' tuddly bastard) and dashing across the street as fast as my Husky Toughskin'd lower limbs could trundle (AH...I must wax nostalgic sometime on me years as a chunkly), much to the chagrin to my peers that had to suffer on buses, in patrol lines or in transit via parental vehicles sometimes many hours before school time (while I lathed another layer of thick viscous salivic mortar on the oft-replaced pillow of my 'yoot').

Er...as I was saying...the fact that I still sleep in and am often late to work can be tied (in my mind) to the fact that my parents' home was situated so very near to two of my institutions of learning (oh the Hell of the Bus Rides for the two years of Junior High...p'raps another time, eh?). Sheer bliss.

Little would I have thought at the time that there would be such severe repurcussions from these early years of life now in the wee-Thirties I am now living (well...POTENTIAL repurcussions...it doesn't happen ALL the time...kaff).

Late getting up?
Late to work?
Skip a shower?
Stink Lines?

Say thee YEA.

Sad but Pee-Yoo.**

T
(who should really consider bathing at night to avoid the strong possibility that he may be going to work a bit on the ripe-side if the alarm fails again)

*In any other situation I am NEVER late. I am always the first one to arrive to things (especially if there's a buffet involved).

**Not to be mistaken with a 'Pee-Ewe' which, I've heard from rather salacious sources, are 'fun at parties'