I Went to School with a Kid Named ______

This is a lil' annoying thing that I've been doing for ages to amuse/annoy the kids.
Example:

Someone says to me:

"I can't stand brown shoes. It makes me look like I've stepped in shit."

To which I might/will reply:

"I went to school with a kid named Brown Shoes. He got a trophy awarded to him one time for "Most Likely to Smell like a Gas Station Shower" and played the washtub bass in a pick-up band named Cat Guts and the Unstrung Hero Sandwiches."


Like that...although it certainly does not require a REAL quote taken from someone else's previous statement (as you will see).

Anyhoo, I shared this lil' tidbit of HAHA with some of my Pals.

Here's a collection of what has sprung forth from my endeavor (mine are buried in this assortment):


I went to school with a kid named Reed Naldy. He had a thing for glueing Hot Wheel race track lengths to his inseams and asking the school custodian which way was best to pronounce the word Extrude.

I went to school with a kid named Ted-Nugent-Procreation-Bear-Lotion the Third. His father used to roadie for the Motor City Madman and clearly spent far too many years in close proximity to the Tedster's loin cloth emissions.

I went to school with a kid named Quite Fresh. His father was a Canned Peach salesman with the off-putting malador of a Tofu Matador Slurpee.

I went to school with a kid named Matthew Monkeybread. His father was a Brazilian wax engineer and his mother was Wisconsin's Butter Churner of the Year (1977).

I went to school with a kid named Beauford T. Bocephus. Carried moonshine in his Dukes of Hazzard thermos and helped his pa kill bears to keep them away from the town's garbage cans. His overalls were so dirty, they could stand up by themselves.

I went to high school with a guy named Asshat McDingledork. His mother used to defecate OMD threads from her anus-vagina and his father was the bastard abandoned son of feuding Marvel & DC fans.

I went to school with a guy named Kenny Sasquatch. He had a full beard by 7th grade, and complete back hair coverage by 10th grade. He moved to Oregon in 11th grade, but I don't know what ever became of him.

I went to school with a kid named Burnt Umber. He was Tongan and smelled like a used Dixie Cup.

I went to school with a kid named Midnight "the Un-Prussian" Blue. He was predisposed to liking all things Lou Gramm and once filled a toy viola with stolen bag lunches.

I went to school with a kid named Piengineer Chairstock. He was a dirty Finn with a taste for Elmer's Glue slag and once managed to get his Trouser Train stuck in the Crayola Sharpener.

I went to school with a kid named Slawomir J. Borowy. He used to eat pierogies at lunch every day and his library books were always overdue. He smelled like beets.

I went to school with a kid named Stinker McBumpthread. He liked gnawing on park benches and referred to his pants as his 'warren'

I went to school with a kid named Wein Wolverine. He liked to climb trees on the playground and used to pee on everything in sight.

I went to school with a kid named Epic Awesome. He was a tremendous bed wetter; hence the fact that he smelled like an off-duty longshoreman 24-7.

I went to school with a kid named Aboutaam Suada. He was a drum major in the school band. He smelled like lentils and orchids. He had a lisp. He loved the music of Dan Fogelberg and wanted to be a pig inspector when he grew up.

I went to school with a kid named Throatwarbler Mangrove...but everyone called him Luxury Yacht (and vice voce).

I went to school with a kid named Chunky Redsauce. He was an Indian/Dago hybrid.

I went to school with a kid named Harvard Lockjaw.

I went to school with a kid named Too Far.

I went to school with a kid named Monkey Joanna.

I went to school with a kid named Inverted Nipple.

I went to school with a kid named Projecting Mons.

I went to school with a kid named Dewey Spackle.

I went to school with a kid named Deviated Scropops.

I went to school with a kid named Kid A With School To Went I. He majored in latin.

I went to school with a kid named Ray Dio.

I went to school with a kid named Ostentatious Finger.

I went to school with a kid named Sebaceous the Smeg Monster.

I went to school with a kid named Leslie Wesley. He was not amused.

I went to school with a kid named Michael Madison who lived on Madison road. And he hated when people pointed that out.

My father used to SWEAR to me that he went to school with a girl named Shithead (pronounce shuh-THEED).