Side Effects I'd Like to See from Some New-Fangled Pill

"Will encourage leprosy in others within your sphere of influence."

"Anglopoise Lamp appreciation followed by torrential gouts of medical pudding."

"Artificial Swine Malador emissions localized in the southern region of one's thorax."

"Lupine-shaped tears and a desire to don the bedding of the recently divorced."

"Deviated Eyelids."

"Equator indifference."

"Clarence...24/7."

"Unrealized pining for panda cohabitation and a sixth sense alerting you of nearby anti-fungal salves."

"A tendency towards the favoring of vintage Garanimals clothing and bouts of Tourettesian screeds announcing "I matched my fucking Monkeys! FUCKING MONKEYS! FUCK!!! MONKEYS!!! FUCK!!!"

"Said pills will also 'encourage' the unfettering of one's proboscis and far-too-long lounging in stranger's sandboxes."

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