Thursday's Hypothetical Question
You've just finished eating a gallon of Neopolitan Ice Cream and, in your gleeful gorging, now find yourself coated from forehead to mid-sternum in sticky formerly frozen dessert run-off. You're scheduled to meet your fiancee's parents in three minutes (was it your fault that you noted a Baskin-Robbins on your way to your fateful rendez-vous and have an uncontrollable weakness for said treat...not to mention that your frayed nerves had raised your peckishness to a level that could only be described as deliri-icious?) and desperately need to clean yourself off. Scanning about the interior of your 1982 98 Oldsmobile for something suitable to use as a towel you quickly realize there are only two items that might be utilized to clear the fluidic debris from your person and you have to pick one.
They are:
A plush Clydesdale left behind in your vehicle by a teen hitchhiker you gave a ride to a week earlier. However, the mere sight of this stuffed equine brings back a terrifying incident from your youth which involved your beloved grandfather's forehead fatally encountering the foreleg of a bucking mule. Do you want to be red-eyed with tear-streaked cheeks when meeting the future-in-laws? They may consider you a real Nancy Boy and never agree to allow the marriage to go forward.
OR
The unwashed mawashi of your friend the Amateur Sumo Wrestling Enthusiast/Hobbyist (you have no idea how this oversized 'thong' got in your car; your friend may be a bit of a prankster OR woefully absent-minded about his ass-wrap). While it would certainly clear you of the Neopolitan waste material slowly drying on your skin it would definitely leave you smelling of the sweaty hindquarters of your corpulent chum (with possibly the slightest hint of Ceremonial Sumo Salt...unless the odor is entirely fat man derriere dew). What would the potential In-Laws think of a future Son-in-Law that reeked in such a manner? Would their distaste for said stink hint at a form of Olfactory Racism? Would you want to marry into a family that would raise their noses under these circumstances?
T
You've just finished eating a gallon of Neopolitan Ice Cream and, in your gleeful gorging, now find yourself coated from forehead to mid-sternum in sticky formerly frozen dessert run-off. You're scheduled to meet your fiancee's parents in three minutes (was it your fault that you noted a Baskin-Robbins on your way to your fateful rendez-vous and have an uncontrollable weakness for said treat...not to mention that your frayed nerves had raised your peckishness to a level that could only be described as deliri-icious?) and desperately need to clean yourself off. Scanning about the interior of your 1982 98 Oldsmobile for something suitable to use as a towel you quickly realize there are only two items that might be utilized to clear the fluidic debris from your person and you have to pick one.
They are:
A plush Clydesdale left behind in your vehicle by a teen hitchhiker you gave a ride to a week earlier. However, the mere sight of this stuffed equine brings back a terrifying incident from your youth which involved your beloved grandfather's forehead fatally encountering the foreleg of a bucking mule. Do you want to be red-eyed with tear-streaked cheeks when meeting the future-in-laws? They may consider you a real Nancy Boy and never agree to allow the marriage to go forward.
OR
The unwashed mawashi of your friend the Amateur Sumo Wrestling Enthusiast/Hobbyist (you have no idea how this oversized 'thong' got in your car; your friend may be a bit of a prankster OR woefully absent-minded about his ass-wrap). While it would certainly clear you of the Neopolitan waste material slowly drying on your skin it would definitely leave you smelling of the sweaty hindquarters of your corpulent chum (with possibly the slightest hint of Ceremonial Sumo Salt...unless the odor is entirely fat man derriere dew). What would the potential In-Laws think of a future Son-in-Law that reeked in such a manner? Would their distaste for said stink hint at a form of Olfactory Racism? Would you want to marry into a family that would raise their noses under these circumstances?
T
posted by Tony at 6:04 PM
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