Ineffective Super Powers: Part One

Pom Pom Hands
Ultimate Sandwich Grip/Manipulations
Organ Growth (literally, piano enlargement)
Moebius Strip (the ability to make mathematicians remove their clothing)
Water to Stew
Sentient Pants
Pelt Awareness ('Don't move, Captain Sieve...there be animal pelts nearby...possibly a clutch of otter skins...and they're evil!')
Language of the Street (communicate with slabs of concrete, tar, asphalt, et cetera)
One Night Stand (the ability to remain on one's feet for an entire evening without tiring)

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