Little Plastic Head of Lorne Green: Grub Massage

I've got it from a pert-near certified authority on the subject (my cook, Hop Sing) that there are certain folk out there in the great wide world that, if one finds the right combination of rubs on there hindends, they'll dispense foodstuffs akin to them popular snacks, Corn Nuts...even in a variety of flavors. A rugged swirl of the right cheek will getcha BBQ, a tweak of the taint will bequeath ya Ranch-flavored 'uns. Not certain if a mixture of these moves will create a blend or not but, heh, I does have me a visit to the Sweat Lodge comin' up in a fortnight...