A Seasonal Sound that makes me Physically Ill
Ah, it's finally warming up around my hometown and, with this rise in temperature, a large number of female-like folk are busting out the summer-y footwear that is guaranteed to leave me clutching my stomach when I hear it slapping into earshot:
Flip-Flops.
Whether it's full-on Flip-Flop action OR the akin squish of sandals or mules (all of which, naturally, are worn without hosiery/socks/booties/medical guaze/molted snakeskin) that sick fucking slick slap of skin on footwear echoes throughout my place of work and everywhere...all for the sake of keeping their respective tootsies 'cool' and, perhaps, bowing to the dictates of the Fashionistas (the Fonzie-esque 'cool').
Well, I've had just about enough with 'em.
Do they even realize that their sweat-sodden flippers are squipping like mad as they, say, galumph to the cafeteria for their mid-morning Krispy Kreme?
How could they not?
It's this brazen disregard for their co-workers and peers that are sensitive to sounds such as these that has really gotten my goat, driven him to a bridge, and fed the poor bastard to a fucking troll (okay, not so much a TROLL as it was a clutch of ravenous homeless fellows led by the always peckish Charlemagne 'Neath-da-Span' O'Foop and the curiously named 'No Utensil Crew').
It's even MORE pronounced for the more girthy ladies...lotta water-weight trickling down through their under-great-pressure trotters (think plate tectonics only with flab and bone) and, hence, even MORE watery smackings.
Thus, I promise you the following:
I'm off to purchase several tubes of Denture Adhesive. Said oral-epoxy will somehow finds its way onto any/all offending footwear and should prove effective in keeping your paws adhered to your cacophanous sudorific shoeing, dig?
That or earplugs...
T
Ah, it's finally warming up around my hometown and, with this rise in temperature, a large number of female-like folk are busting out the summer-y footwear that is guaranteed to leave me clutching my stomach when I hear it slapping into earshot:
Flip-Flops.
Whether it's full-on Flip-Flop action OR the akin squish of sandals or mules (all of which, naturally, are worn without hosiery/socks/booties/medical guaze/molted snakeskin) that sick fucking slick slap of skin on footwear echoes throughout my place of work and everywhere...all for the sake of keeping their respective tootsies 'cool' and, perhaps, bowing to the dictates of the Fashionistas (the Fonzie-esque 'cool').
Well, I've had just about enough with 'em.
Do they even realize that their sweat-sodden flippers are squipping like mad as they, say, galumph to the cafeteria for their mid-morning Krispy Kreme?
How could they not?
It's this brazen disregard for their co-workers and peers that are sensitive to sounds such as these that has really gotten my goat, driven him to a bridge, and fed the poor bastard to a fucking troll (okay, not so much a TROLL as it was a clutch of ravenous homeless fellows led by the always peckish Charlemagne 'Neath-da-Span' O'Foop and the curiously named 'No Utensil Crew').
It's even MORE pronounced for the more girthy ladies...lotta water-weight trickling down through their under-great-pressure trotters (think plate tectonics only with flab and bone) and, hence, even MORE watery smackings.
Thus, I promise you the following:
I'm off to purchase several tubes of Denture Adhesive. Said oral-epoxy will somehow finds its way onto any/all offending footwear and should prove effective in keeping your paws adhered to your cacophanous sudorific shoeing, dig?
That or earplugs...
T
posted by Tony at 6:50 PM
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